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Talitha’s Corner

On How to deal with “Peer Fear”

by Vicountess Talitha von Kopke
(being now Duchess Emma Fitzwilliam, OP)

Of course, not every Peer inspires “Peer Fear”.  Some Peers are simply too outgoing (and too silly) or too well known for anybody to be afraid of them.  It’s the Peers who are either shy or reserved who tend to be the focus of “Peer Fear.”

When I was a shy newcomer, I would look at groups of Peers (or other ‘important people’) all talking together and figure they were busy doing important things and mustn’t be bothered.  Then I became a shy Peer and found out that what they were saying, sometimes, was ‘nobody will come talk to us, so at least we can talk to each other.’  (Did you know that dumb jokes and laughing at one’s own (or each other’s) foibles are the most common topics of “High Table” conversation?  It’s true.)

And of course, not every newcomer is shy and afraid of Peers, either.  If you happen to live in the same area with a lot of Peers, or if you yourself are a very outgoing person, you get to know them as people, not Titles.  But for those who are uncomfortable around Peers, here are a few pieces of advice:

Go offer to help.  (Remember that they don’t know you’re willing to help, and the last thing they want to do (or even seem to do) is to take advantage of their Title.) Therefore, you need to make the offer.  

Ask about where to find resources for something he or she is knowledgeable about.  Sharing an interest is a great way to break the ice.

Volunteer in the kitchen or at the gate.  (You may even find that some of the Peers there volunteered so they would have a chance to meet people.)

Bring cookies and water to fight practices.  (I know this one works; it’s what I did!)  Fighters (including knights) are very easy to talk to when you are giving them much-needed water and goodies.

Still worried?  Maybe this will help.  Part of the Ceremony recognizing a Peer calls for the individual to swear “to henceforth be a model of Courtesy, as you surely have until now.” 

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